I just feel like my previous posts had been mostly negative. It is easy to write about painful things, because the heart overflows and the will spill unto paper. I write about it and feel so much better afterward. But you know, my life is not all gray, and I wanted to keep this clear.
Right now I am living my life as a SEO writer and student. My job does not pay much, and it eats time to do but its very fulfilling for me. I also got an excellent scholarship for a teaching program with allowances. My status if not financially abundant but it would do.
My boyfriend had always been sweet and would text and call at different intervals of the day. “Do you need anything? Do you need me to print stuff for you? I love you.” Bless his heart. Being mostly an independent woman, I would say no thank you. I am okay. I love you too.
It’s just sometimes the lonely emotion dawns on me in the most mundane locations. Like while standing in the grocery aisle of yogurts and dairies, a sudden exhaustion overcomes me, as if I had lived for too long. It is often a drastic perceivable change, and people seeing me in this mood can tell my tiredness by the slump of my shoulders and the darkness under my eyes. “Aubs, you look like you need rest.”
I am okay really. After moping a little bit I voluntarily shake this off by emerging myself in music, podcasts and work. Lots of these. Enough for me to lack time to think of negative thoughts and feel accomplished. Work makes me happy. Then the cycle begins again.